She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
