PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
