I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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