At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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