I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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