He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
