Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
