He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
