shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
