Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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