some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
