meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
