You're my little dorito
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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