Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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