I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
