I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sarcasm needs its own font
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have started to decorate penises.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
