I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
