I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
