you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
