clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
