he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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