Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
porn star boner night. come get it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
