He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize