I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
