In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
