He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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