Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
