I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
