So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
