my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
