How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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