2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
they're like a gay fantastic four
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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