I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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