Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
COCAINE IS GR8
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
