chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize