My first STD was from a foam party
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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