Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
