How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
either way he was missing a nipple.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
