strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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