So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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