I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
