so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
