Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
