so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
