just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
