Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
