I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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