i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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