I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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