I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
