Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i barfeds in our rink
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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