Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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