It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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