There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
