My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
