He had one of those small greek statue penises
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
