hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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