we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
