So drunk its hurt
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
