We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
