Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
