I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
