I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
