Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize