there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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