Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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