I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
