Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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