I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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