Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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