I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
