I hate your face
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
