I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
