i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
