Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
