i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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