I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
