Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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