Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
