You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
