We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
