Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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