i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
