we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
