I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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