Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
