Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
