He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
