they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
