used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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