So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
