guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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