what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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