I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
