There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
how drunk are you?
Several
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
