I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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