Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
