see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
