it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize