my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Rumble strips road head = magical
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize