I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
