But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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