i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
