glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
