First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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